13.02.2025

THE FIRST QUESTION IN A BUSINESS COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT. AND IT IS NOT "HOW ARE YOU"

A business meeting with a person whom you need to convince of something in order to achieve your professional goal. "Hello. How are you," you ask politely as you shake hands. Everyone does it, so do you.

A mistake, communication experts surprisingly claim. "How are you" are the two most useless words in business communication. The person asking the question doesn't really care. Whoever answers it is not telling the truth. It automatically says "Thanks, ok". It's not professional to explain, no matter how bad it is. His problems in most cases have nothing to do with dating. Even if they have, it's probably not the time to tell them.

"How are you" - "Fine" is pointless dialogue, wasted time and a missed opportunity to make a connection.

If you start with this question, you need to keep asking to really get close to the person you're talking to. He'll love that you're interested in him. Everyone is considered significant enough to be a topic of conversation.

Your questions should be precisely measured - not to tactlessly enter the interlocutor's personal space, but also to show that he himself is in the center. It's best to be variations around his work at the moment.

If you are in his office, open your eyes before you open your mouth. Find something to improvise on - a picture on the wall, a family photo on the desk, a cyclist's helmet. They can spark an interesting conversation.

This is quite different from the cliché "How are you" and then you wait for the cliché-response and move on to the topic you gathered for.

Researchers from Harvard University have established the effect of correct questions with a series of experiments. They analyzed more than 300 conversations. The bottom line is that "How are you" doesn't bring people together. In dialogues where there were follow-up questions showing interest in the interlocutor's personality, he really liked the person asking them much more.

The key to getting the most out of conversations is to start by asking the other person a series of authentic, meaningful questions, researchers conclude. Authentic means intended for himself, not duty. This way you gain his trust and he is much more open to listening to what you want from him.

There is a school of communication experts who debunk the infamous 5-minute rule of thumb at the start of a business meeting.

According to the other school, they bond even if you talk about clichéd topics like the weather outside or heavy traffic. There is nothing important to say about them, but they are an introduction, because of which the conversation does not start "from the door for the head", i.e. directly with what you came together for.

Talking about the weather and traffic is the worst way to melt the ice, say cliché opponents. An exception is if you are communicating something that might be important to your interlocutor - for example, that there was an accident near his office and they closed the road. General talk only works to create rapport if you avoid clichéd topics and focus on things that are important to the other person.

If you don't believe me, think about how annoying these duty topics are.

You say "It's getting very hot outside, I heard on the radio in the car that the temperature will reach 40 degrees". The person answers you "Yes, yes, unpleasant". You do nothing to build trust with each other.

Even if you pick up the traffic and agree that it is "terrible, terrible", you still do not get closer, because thousands of your fellow citizens think so. It is quite another thing, if you know that the person often travels to Bucharest, to talk about what you read in the newspaper - they are closing the old car center there, and ask him what he thinks. You give him the opportunity to tell about his observations, to share his opinion.

This is already beyond the cliché, it makes the conversation authentic. You really make a connection that helps in the next moment by getting to the heart of your meeting.

Communication specialists also advise you to be the first with an authentic question, so that you don't continue with the even dumber "How are you?" I.e. to immediately speak in such a way as to show interest in your interlocutor. Otherwise, he will ask you "How are you", you will end up with the usual answer "Thank you, good", and you will have to continue with the repetition "How are you".

If it happens that he starts with the cliché, in no case repeat it, but by all means dig up some more original follow-up questions about the personality of your interlocutor.

This way, you don't miss your chance to build trust in yourself. By leaving the initiative to him, he will be interested in you and you will begin to feel sympathy.

Not that you have come together to fight. But still, you will always achieve more if you do not fall in love with your interlocutor. Otherwise, he has just achieved his goal, and not yours.

----Charisma Trick on Phone----

In a personal meeting, it is easier to arouse sympathy in your interlocutor, because you help each other with your whole appearance, with eye contact, with smiles, facial expressions and gestures, with the posture of your body.

On the phone, you only have to play with the tone of voice. Words matter, but so does how you say them. That's why communication experts advise to smile when you talk on the phone. This is always felt, makes your voice warmer and creates confidence in you.

Don't worry about looking like a grinning idiot in front of your office colleagues. At this moment, you are not communicating with them, you have an interlocutor on the other side, to whom you give all your attention.