07.11.2024

HEARDING "WITH ALL MY RESPECT" WILL NEVER RESPECT YOU. AND MORE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE REPLIES

Even if a person gets along well with his colleagues, he still sometimes has to enter into an argument. It's part of the job. And it even helps her when arguments are exchanged to the point, calmly, really respectfully, without punches under the belt.

Sometimes, however, during a meeting, you can relax from the polite tone, sleep through the beginning of the argument and find it difficult to recover where it started. If you are only a witness, you will concentrate and catch up. But if you are the object of the colleague's objection, you should immediately listen carefully and prepare counterarguments.

Communication experts say there are phrases that prompt you to perk up your ears. Although they mean the exact opposite of what will follow.

One of them is "With all my respect". As soon as someone said it, he was certainly preparing to object. Even more - to smash into dust, especially if he addresses not the boss, but a colleague of equal rank.

This bookish phrase is an introduction that is only rarely something of an apology. The person may be new or anxious in nature and feel a little uncomfortable, but still want to correct something someone else said or express their opinion. He does not prepare to criticize and fiercely argue. This is usually the case when it is said hastily. Pronounced that way, it might just be a cliché that someone thinks makes them look interesting.

But when you hear it spoken clearly, with emphasis and with a significant pause, you immediately become aware of the intonation, so that you can guess what is coming. There is probably a hint of irony and the words actually mean "Here nonsense is being spoken by completely incompetent people, now I will say what needs to be done".

If the addressee of "all respect" is you, start paying attention and even taking notes, because your colleague is attacking you and you will have to defend yourself.

In most cases, what he will proceed with will not only not be respectful, but also not productive. The man is deeply insincere and betrays himself with this phrase. It does not make any sense, because it is normal for the team to exchange opinions and even argue. No one expects another to be disrespectful, so there is no need for a special declaration. As soon as your colleague does it, he reveals his true intentions, psychologists explain.

If you want to show him that you understand his hypocritical politeness when you reply, you can start with the same words - "With all my respect".

"If I may remark" contains so much politeness as to raise suspicions of irony. Even unfamiliar business people do not talk to each other like that, because it is a waste of time in parasitic words. So what is left for colleagues who constantly communicate.

The phrase is harmless if a young colleague says it to a superior and really wants permission. Or if someone wishes to interrupt another in a relatively polite manner. But if your colleague takes the floor and starts like this, then he is preparing for a fierce verbal battle.

You can enter it with "And let me note that".

"I could be wrong, but" just sometimes betrays uncertainty. Usually this expression is also like "Excuse me, but" - the speaker has no intention of apologizing. He wants to object. However, it seems to him somehow more intelligent to make an introduction to attract attention. Or he uses a psychological trick - creates a deceptive impression of insecurity and then shines with true, convincing, unbreakable arguments.

So again, be careful when a colleague starts talking after you like this. And if you can break down his arguments and it won't sound like a nag when you answer him, elegantly return the ball to him "You made the deal 'I could be wrong'. You're really wrong because".

"I'll try to explain" only at first listen means that your colleague is trying to enlighten you. In fact, he is most likely stating something else entirely - "Why don't you try to understand". In general, it questions the capacity of others to grasp his clever thoughts and suggestions. But he thinks it's more polite than saying it outright. He looks less puffy. In fact, he presents himself as a sufferer dealing with half-wits.

The phrase may be aimed directly at you if the argument has already started. Your colleague suggested something, you expressed a different opinion or criticized him. And now he tells you that you don't really understand him. Since his demeanor is slightly arrogant, consider whether you respond in the same style. After his "I'll try to explain," you might interject with a beaming smile something along the lines of, "I hope you succeed this time."

"I was very curious to learn" is another typical phrase from the so-called passive-aggressive. Your colleague does not say that he learned something new - then he would directly state "I did not know that". Veiledly announces that he is about to attack.

At the same time, he is not exactly set up for a constructive argument in which both sides respect each other - then he would say "You are wrong about" or "I was surprised to learn that". The phrase "curious" contains sarcasm and condescension.

And to this, as well as to the other passive-aggressive phrases, consider whether to answer with a light dose of irony - "I'm glad that you were able to learn something new".

------------- How to react ---------------

It's really a matter of specific judgment in the specific situation, but many experts advise showing a colleague who uses hypocritical expressions that you understand his attempts at manipulation and are ready to meet them, for now without malice.

Very often, when you argue only on the point and pretend not to notice their ironic phrases, arrogant colleagues misunderstand you. They think that if you don't resist, you can be an easy victim, and they start to exercise more and more nasty wit. If you reciprocate - ie. with an ironic expression, you demonstrate that you will not give up.

However, do not be abrupt. Passive-aggressive types have this going for them - they seem to be acting nice.

The conscious or subconscious goal of the passive aggressor is to get you out of your skin. And then, as soon as you seem rude, you are blamed for the conflict - you don't know how to argue, you don't tolerate criticism, you don't accept someone else's opinion.

So keep your cool and don't let him take advantage of the situation. You will damage your professional reputation just because you were more honest in your reaction.