05.09.2024

SELF-LOVE IS NOT A DIRTY WORD IT HELPS YOU SUCCESS AT WORK

"He is selfish" sounds like a social judgment. But people who don't love themselves usually have a medical diagnosis. Therefore, psychologists claim that self-love is an important aspect of self-esteem and is one of the best means of personal improvement.

The question is how selfish a person is and how he manages to combine his interests with the interests of his colleagues and the company in which he works. This is an important skill because in almost every business, effectiveness is achieved as a team.

However, being a good team player does not mean completely abandoning your self-love and even selfishness. Very often the best decision for you personally is also the best for everyone. That's according to Paul Stillman, a psychology researcher at Ohio State University.

Imagine that you are a programmer who is charged with the responsibility of urgently completing a significant project. A colleague has a problem with his computer and asks you to look at it. You'll come off as a helpful person if you quit your job and fix his computer. But this is not good for you personally or for the company because you will waste time that you should devote to the important and urgent project. Its completion will benefit everyone. However, the cost of refusing is that your colleague will think of you as a selfish and self-righteous bastard who does not help his fellow man.

According to Stillman, there is a way in all such cases to make the decision that brings the greatest benefits to both you and the entire group without fear of negative social commentary.

"Key to finding the right approach is paying attention to the bigger picture. When you see the bigger picture, you can more easily assess what the consequences of your decision will be and find the best way to allocate resources. In some cases, the best investment of these resources is in yourself," explains the psychologist.

The ability to cooperate, to cooperate with your colleagues, is a valuable and necessary quality. But when you subordinate your self-love to him alone, it will negatively affect your career. Focusing too much on consensus building and being overly concerned with other people's opinions can harm your ability to defend your personal position and gain recognition for your skills.

"When we are too subject to the evaluations of others, too humble to defend our own point of view, too weak-willed to confront something with which we disagree, we become insecure, servile, ineffective people and build enormous obstacles to your career," points out Shefali Reyna, professional development specialist.

Suppressing healthy self-love, giving up your own interests, putting too much emphasis on the opinion of your colleagues will harm you, so you should learn to avoid the trap of excessive cooperation, experts recommend.

Their first piece of advice is to learn to say no. Say no to the boss who wants to burden you with more commitments than you can handle. Say no to the colleague who wastes your time, either because he asks you for help or because he shamelessly delegates his duties to you.

Even though you work as a team, don't neglect your individual responsibilities and agenda. This is not self-love, but common sense.

Don't worry about someone thinking you're selfish. After all, when everyone conscientiously takes care of their individual work, the team cannot suffer - after all, it is distributed who does what. As a programmer, your duties probably include fixing your colleague's computer. He calls you, not the person he needs, because it's easier for him. Say no by looking at the big picture.

Self-love also means accepting that not everyone can love you and agree with you. Every team has people who are users. Or they are actually narcissists who think that everyone owes them and should look out for their interests. These colleagues can't love you when you look at your own interests and the big picture. You just shouldn't care that they don't like you.

You should not dwell on the desire for consensus either. Often, in an effort to be team players, people suppress their self-love and pay too much attention to others. "When we're too committed to teamwork, we want everyone to agree on a decision before we move forward," Reyna says. which won't appeal to everyone. Compromise is also a quality every team player should possess."

Although "team" is a magic word in business and individualists are considered dinosaurs, experts advise showing a healthy dose of self-love when choosing what to work on. Finding a balance between team and individual projects is ideal for your career development. You need tasks that will allow you to reveal your qualities and get personal recognition. Therefore, do not hesitate to be the first to take the initiative and ask for a project that will allow you to do this. Maybe your co-worker wants it too, but show some self-love and get competitive. He wants it for the same purpose - to get recognition. Your interest is no worse than his.

By the way, if you have the opportunity to choose, do not participate in projects in which you will not show enough. In other words, avoid "dirty work" that takes a lot of energy but does not develop you professionally. Every company has one, and someone has to do it, but make sure it's not you, or at least not very often.

It's also healthy self-love to strategically choose your teammates. When you collaborate with the right people, you will maximize the benefits for yourself. Good projects are those where there is a potential benefit for all involved when they end successfully. Personally, it will be a dividend for you to work with colleagues from whom you can learn something, improve your skills, expand your professional contacts.