25.07.2024

TECHNIQUES TO GAIN CONFIDENCE THAT LEADS YOU TO SUCCESS

I'm going to ask you something and the answer has to be "Yes". You've heard of this approach being negotiated. Communication experts categorically deny it. According to them, you can count on success only if you first gain the trust of your interlocutor. And the ways to do this are exactly the opposite.

Naturally, no sane person would utter that phrase. Unless it's a joke in front of a relatively close colleague or business partner. But often the words are not literally the same, but the meaning is the same. That `s a mistake. You will predispose your interlocutor by not attacking him, but by letting him speak first, experts advise.

This trick is greatly underestimated because most people think it will be of great benefit to appear competent and confident at the outset. You state what you want, you make it clear that you have considered everything well, because you are capable, experienced and honorable professionals. You suggest that you know what you are doing and the person has no choice but to trust you. If you think about it, you can easily translate all this as "I'm going to ask you something and the answer should be "Yes".

Showing competence is very necessary, but don't start with it. The first impression in the conversation should be positive for your partner. You won't achieve anything if he feels aggression. Then the fight or flight instinct kicks in. I.e. your interlocutor is tuning in for combat, not cooperation.

Your competence only matters if you have previously predisposed the other. As long as there is no trust between two people, competence can even be perceived as something negative, as a threat, experts point out. "If you're trying to influence a person whose trust you haven't earned, you won't get far. This approach raises suspicions because it makes you look like a manipulative person who wants to use others to achieve his goals," they explain.

There are several steps to trust, some of which are underestimated by the ever-busy people who try to be extremely business-like and not waste a second.

Let's say you meet with a colleague from another department with whom you need to work together on an assignment. You know each other but only vaguely. Try to learn more about her beforehand. People respond positively when you show that you know something about them. But be careful - it is not about details of the colleague's personal life, but about facts that you may have learned from publicly available sources such as the company's website or social networks. Otherwise, she'll think you've been asking about her, and you'll push her away. Allow about 5 minutes for general small talk.

Research shows that starting every meeting with this trick goes a long way in building a positive impression. On many of the topics (about the time outside, for example) there is nothing important to say and the minutes seem wasted. Nothing like that, they have an important function in building trust.

If this introduction turns to work and your colleague shares a problem of hers, consider how to react. Don't give unsolicited advice, even if you can give her a solution. It would be seen as an arrogant display of competence. You know what to do, but she doesn't. However, if he asks you for advice, say it delicately. It will help create trust between you.

Then give your interlocutor the opportunity to take the lead in the conversation. Listen carefully. Ask questions to encourage him.

Only at first glance you give him an advantage in this way. The trick is that you gain his trust by giving him the feeling that you respect and understand him. If you take the initiative in the conversation from the very beginning, the other person will take it as an attempt to gain superiority.

In addition to keeping your ego in check, be careful about what and how much energy you emit. You shouldn't be sluggish, but you shouldn't be over-enthusiastic either. You may startle your interlocutor with this elation, because he cannot "catch up" with you. He may consider it a pretense and an attempt to cover up something not entirely honest.

So calmly and confidently concentrate on what your interlocutor is saying and demonstrate that you are really following his thought. Don't lose focus on what he said and don't think about what you're going to say after him. Otherwise, he will sense your high self-esteem - you think you have something more important to say than him and you listen to him with half an ear.

This second stage of the conversation should now build trust between you. It's time to insert the questions you care about and start a substantive discussion.

Here you can show all your competence as a specialist, present and defend positions. They will be perceived much better as bridges to the mind of your interlocutor, who considers you a reliable and likable person.

Throughout the conversation, watch your body language as well. Smile. Maintain eye contact. Well, don't stare and stare. According to research, when a person finds the conversation and interlocutor interesting, they make eye contact 80% of the time.

Sit upright, but in a peaceful posture - with relaxed shoulders and arms. Don't cross your arms in front of your chest, because it's like you're putting up a physical barrier to trust. Even if this position makes you feel comfortable, try to avoid it if you want people to take you as sincere, experts advise.

However, sitting with relaxed shoulders does not mean hunched over. The brain is programmed to associate energy and power with the amount of space people occupy. It is because of this that the upright posture with slightly pulled back shoulders is perceived as powerful. In a slouched posture, the body takes up less space and therefore projects less energy and force.

Do not enter the personal space of your interlocutor, i.e. don't get too close because you break trust.

When an argument arises, try not to change your stance. Don't back down - you give the impression of defeat. Do not approach - it will be considered aggression. Maintain a confident posture ie. body upright and shoulders relaxed.

According to body language expert Patricia Stark, this also means keeping your head straight, never tilting to the left or right. "This is how you show, in the most literal way, that your mind is in the right place. Look the other person in the eye and talk patiently, no matter how long it takes," she advises.

----- The Magic of the Handshake -----

It is key, it starts every meeting with it. Neuroscientists have found that a confident handshake increases a person's interest in interacting with their interlocutor, reduces negative associations and is an important factor in creating trust.

The predisposing handshake is strong, vigorous and short. It should be accompanied by eye contact. Otherwise, it seems that you do not show enough respect and interest to your partner, or you are hiding something.

If you want to give the impression of someone you can count on, use a two-handed handshake. It evokes a feeling of warmth and trust. However, be careful not to make this handshake seem too close or even intimate.

Any exaggerated gestures and facial expressions are taken as a sign that you are trying to manipulate, not telling the whole truth. Stick to unobtrusive gestures.