13.06.2024

TRICK TO PARRY AN ADVERSARY WITH THE FRANKLIN EFFECT

A person is good at work, there are not only friends in the office. It is even quite possible that the better he works, the more enemies he will make. Because colleagues see him as a strong competitor, because he raises the bar with his abilities and glosses over their incompetence or sloppiness, because they envy him, etc.

There is even such a dependence - you win more successes, attract more detractors. As you climb higher in the career, the games and interpersonal confrontations you have to engage in become more complex.

Such is life - not everyone can love you, but the question is how to deal with it.

Psychologists advise first not to think of these people as enemies. This infuriates you and gives rise to a strong feeling - hatred. Call them competitors, rivals, detractors, enemies to be parried, not destroyed. They need to stop being an obstacle in your way, but you can do that without hitting them. Defeat them by winning them. Try the so-called "Franklin effect".

Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) was an American politician, scientist, inventor and publisher. You've seen him — his image is on the $100 bill.

So he was a member of the Pennsylvania State Legislature when he encountered the undisguised hostility of a fellow lawmaker. The man was rich, well-educated, authoritative, and by all accounts it seemed that he would soon gain great influence in the government. Franklin wanted no such enemy. He did not want to yield to him. But it was risky to enter into a direct confrontation.

Then it occurred to him to apply a subtle trick that has stuck in conflict management theories with his name.

Franklin was the founder of America's first public library and a noted book collector. He knew that his rival had a rare book. He wrote him a letter asking him to lend it to him. The man was flattered and immediately sent her away. Franklin returned it a week later with a thank you note.

Before the next parliamentary session, the rival, who until recently had shown open hostility, approached Franklin and spoke to him in a friendly manner. From that moment on, the former enemy showed readiness to assist him in any case.

Psychologists explain what the "Franklin effect" is due to.

Your attitude towards a certain person is formed as a result of your feelings towards him. Sometimes you can't even reasonably answer why someone doesn't like you. Other times, you know you can't stand that co-worker because he rubs off on the boss, always exaggerates his contribution to the job, is capable of dirty tricks, let's say. Your attitude is to despise him, he senses it and begins to have less flattering feelings for you. Add in possible opportunities for professional competition or advancement in the hierarchy, and it's clear that you are enemies, to say the least.

But actions can change feelings. When you force yourself to ask this person for a favor, you adjust your own attitude toward them.

But he also changes his attitude towards you. It is deeply rooted in the consciousness that a person has a duty to help his family, his friends, people with whom he has similar views. If you want a favor from this person, then he falls into one of these categories. If he does you a favor, then for him you also fall into one of these categories.

Thus the human mind invents an acceptable explanation for the service. And this explanation continues to work in the long run - because you are a good person and you could not do something good for a bad person, he becomes a positive character. At least until he proves otherwise with new actions of his own.

"Each of us has a built-in self-preservation mechanism, a lawyer who has the duty to protect our psychological self-esteem. This lawyer explains to our brain the reasons for our actions and justifies us. If we do something bad to someone, it is because they are bad and so he likes. If we do good, then he is a good person, because good is not done to a bad person. Our actions determine what we believe in."

In short, if a colleague is your competitor or detractor, ask them a favor to change their attitude. But think carefully about what help you want from him.

As you notice in Franklin's example, the effect works under several conditions. First, the service is not difficult - the person has the book, it is not much effort to lend it. Second, he feels flattered because he owns something that a distinguished specialist and collector like Franklin does not have and wishes to see. Third, he gets thanks and feels highly appreciated.

When you decide to achieve the "Franklin effect" and think carefully, you will find the right service that you can ask any of your detractors for.

This does not mean that once and for all your relationship with this colleague will go smoothly. If you are rivals for a promotion to the same post, for example, your competition will continue, but probably under more gentlemanly rules.