01.02.2024

SUCCESS TECHNIQUES: THE PERFECT ANSWER AGAINST THE PASSIVE AGGRESSOR IN THE OFFICE

Imagine the following situation: a colleague of yours, with whom you usually get along, avoids you all day, then mumbles something under his breath when you offer him coffee. He's obviously mad at you but refuses to address the issue.

This is typical passive-aggressive behavior - a hallmark of people who have problems dealing with conflict. The best way to deal with passive aggression is to carefully neutralize it with countermeasures – act quickly and communicate directly and openly. It takes courage. But with practice, your fear of confrontation will diminish.

A simple matter of stopping passive-aggressive behavior

When faced with a colleague exhibiting passive-aggressive behavior, stay calm and do three things:

1. Approach the person in a private setting where you both feel comfortable talking openly.
2. Consider your body language and tone of voice. If you feel stiff and defensive, try to relax. You want to say that you are genuinely concerned and acting in good faith. You don't want to appear threatening.
3. Finally, ask, "Can you tell me what's bothering you?"

The last question often solves the problem instantly. If the other person tells you what they were upset about, you will probably have an opportunity to resume normal good interactions with each other in the right way. Maybe you'll realize it was a misunderstanding. Maybe it's a deeper issue that will take some time to resolve.

In any case, what is critical to success in de-escalating the tension between you is, after you ask the question, to shut up and listen.

How to give a meaningful apology when needed

When your colleague answers, pause. It may seem pointless to you. It may seem unfair or inaccurate. But don't answer until you've taken the time to digest it.

If your colleague is upset about something worth apologizing for, you need to be diplomatic. A true apology never involves excuses or attempts at defense. Focus on where you went wrong.

Don't assume it's obvious you're sorry. Say the word "I'm sorry" in a sincere way.

• Example of a bad apology: “Oh my god, I had no idea. Why did not you tell me?"
• Example of a good apology: “I'm sorry, that didn't even cross my mind. You're right. I'll try to make sure it doesn't happen again.''

The most important thing here is to resist the urge to argue. The goal is not to be right or to prove your colleague wrong. Your goal is to restore a safe space for conversation.

Don't apologize if you feel it won't be sincere. But give the other person credit for having this conversation. Are you glad he responded? Then thank him for the answer. Will you think about what was said? If yes, then share this with him. Is your relationship important? Be sure to bookmark it.

After all, you can only control your own behavior

What to do if you ask the question and all you get is a shrug of the shoulders and a response like, "Oh, nothing's wrong."

If your colleague is afraid of conflict or is more focused on continuing to be angry with you than on finding a solution, you can at least take solace in the fact that you made the necessary effort and addressed the problem, which will do for them in -hard to pretend nothing happened.

You've done your best by being direct and making it clear that you're open to discussion when your colleague is ready to move on.